Character and Integrity

This past week we lost my 90 year old Grandfather.

I wanted to take a second to write about him because so much of who I am today comes from traits and culture passed from the things he did and the way he acted. I think there’s a lot to talk about around him as a small town person with midwest values, but there are some deeper threads about how he lived life that are unique to him.

The definition of character is how people perceive your social currency and word. It’s how the effects of your actions carry down into a social reputation for how people know you. It’s important, but not the core, to living a successful and happy life. You can seem like you have good character by taking actions that people admire and respect but still fall short.

Integrity on the other hand is what you do when other people aren’t watching. Integrity is service that puts others before yourself, not because it makes others like you, but purely because it’s the right thing to do. People with strong integrity also have strong character. It’s a way of living without fear but with a sense of bravery about the unknown and stewardship for the future. It means spending your life creating much more value than you retain and defaulting to faith when things are uncertain or hard.

You can’t teach integrity. It’s something that a person chooses to do after seeing examples of it in their life, and my Grandfather was the person in my life who demonstrated it to me the most over the years through continuous acts of service in many contexts that couldn’t be explained any other way. This included a lot of bravery in the face of losing the things he loved most like my grandmother, aging, and many, many other things that were out of his control.

I could talk a lot about who he was or the things he did, but I think it’s important to capture the essence of the intention behind the actions he took and how he put others before himself.

Two years ago I was in a place where I was briefly losing touch with this, and it was reconnecting with my grandfather around my grandmother’s passing that helped bring me back to it and grow through some hard professional and personal things that otherwise would have been pretty hard to push through on my own. I was getting too caught up in ego and status of startups that I started to forget about the things that really mattered. I’ll forever be grateful for him helping me get back to those roots and that foundation and wish I could have had more time to thank him for that in person. It’s a lesson I hope sticks with me forever.

I’m sure I’ll write more about him over time, but while it was fresh I wanted to post something to express my gratitude for having someone that impactful in my life. I hope he can find peace and serenity in whatever is next on his journey. Thanks Grandpa.